Hate Me
by Imprisoned Fire
Summary: I want her to be happy, to have the best this world has to offer. I want to make sure she stays safe from all harm, that nothing can ever hurt her. But to ensure her happiness, to guarantee her safety, she must first learn to hate me… SonAmy Oneshot


Disclaimer: Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters belong to Sonic Team and Sega. I do own the plot line though so please do not copy it without my permission.

It was hard to say why I was here. I wasn't invited, and I wasn't wanted. Yet here I was, listening to all the festive voices and singing coming from inside. I was only slightly curious to what it looked like in there, but I was happy just waiting here.

The spring air was fresh and clean. It was nice to inhale that pure scent that announced a new season. Even the smallest of breaths were filled with the scent of flowers and freshly cut grass. I even thought I could smell a hint of honey in the air.

The tree I was sitting in had close to completely budded out. The leaves glittering in the sun were almost as green as my eyes. If I looked straight up through the branches, I would be able to see specks of the sapphire sky above. There were probably only a few clouds drifting along it. The white cotton puffs only serving to make the sky an even deeper blue. If it got any darker, it would look like me.

But rather then the sky, my gaze was often directed to the large building near by. That was where the songs and voices were issuing from. The place I knew I wasn't welcomed.

The sound of buzzing rang in my ear. Some bees were hovering just above my head. Probably after the honey I smelled, I thought. I had to say, this day looked perfect. And that's exactly how it was suppose to be. I leaned back against the tree, closing my eyes. My thoughts started spinning towards the past, and thinking back on the things that lead to this moment.

If anyone saw me, they would be wondering quite a few things. Like why was I sitting in a large tree outside a church? Why wasn't I in there, joining in on the laughter and singing? Why was I here at all?

That is, if anyone could see me. But I had made sure that I was completely hidden by the newly blossomed leaves. Nobody could see me unless they knew I was here to begin with. I didn't mind waiting out here. Sure I was missing the main experience, but I could at least see the end.

Besides, I didn't need to be in there. I would see pictures later and Tails had already promised to tell me everything in detail. He even said something about bringing a video recorder to record everything.

I've always had the feeling my "little brother" knew my plan from the beginning. He was smart, and he knew me. But he never really said anything about it to me or anyone else.

Lucky kid, I thought. He doesn't have as many things to worry about as I do. I opened my eyes and looked up at the sky. Yeah, there are a lot of things I have to keep in mind and consider with every choice I make.

I closed my eyes again, letting a light sigh escape past my lips. In the past, I would be tempted to take a nap. With the warm air filled with fresh smells all around me it would be easy, but I was just a little too tense to sleep. A new scent drifted through the air. It was sweet and pungent, carried along on the breeze from somewhere. I recognized the scent almost instantly.

Roses.

I opened my eyes, staring hazily up at the blue sky. A face hovered before my eyes, the image triggered by the passing scent. A name almost made it out of my mouth, but was stopped by pressed lips.

_Amy…_

I closed my eyes, a deep frown settling on my face. I couldn't help but wonder what she was feeling right now. The pink hedgehog that had chased after me for years, how did she feel right now? Maybe a little nervous, but more likely happier then she's ever felt in her whole life. But then, this was a special day so of course she would be happy. And when she came through those doors after everybody else, I was sure she would look happier then she had ever looked before.

A burning sensation began to creep up the back of my throat, as if I just ate something bitter. It made my stomach twist around and soon filled my whole mouth with that nasty taste.

That was one of the reasons I was here, to see her happy. I could easily picture her smiles and laughs in my mind, but it had been a while since I had seen them in person.

A small laugh left my mouth. It held no humor and didn't make me smile. It was a dry laugh, like it was made of old wood. The sound only came out to express the ironic thought that just went through my mind.

Somewhere out there were a number of people that, if they knew why I was here, would think, "Why the hell dose he care?". I know this, and frankly, I didn't blame them. If I were in their position, I would think the same thing. If they hated me, hated my very guts, I wouldn't blame them one bit.

In fact, I think a part of me wants them to hate me.

I hear it everyday. People telling me how great I am. Telling me how much they're indebted to me. Calling me a hero. Thanking me every time they get the chance for saving them from Eggman and giant robots or for saving the whole planet or whatever it was that I did to protect them all. They're always saying what a wonderful hero I am.

Bull.

"Wonderful heroes" don't hurt others.

"Great people" don't cause others pain.

If I'm such a "wonderful hero", why am I sitting in this tree instead of singing and laughing in there?

If I'm so great, why is my stomach sick with guilt?

I don't blame them if they hate me.

I wish they did.

Because then I would be getting some form of punishment for hurting her.

How many times was it that Amy said she loved me? How many times was it that she tackled me with her hugs, trying to convince me of her love? How many times was it that she politely and kindly requested some of my time, just to be with me?

And how many times did I tell her tell her it wasn't real? How many times did I push her away, saying I didn't want that? How many times did I tell her to beat it, or get lost?

How many times did she call me great or her hero? And how many times did I call her annoying or a pest?

How many times did she run after me? How many times more did I run away?

That burning sensation spread. It was like some kind of whirlpool spinning bigger and bigger inside me. Black burning colors and emotions, just waiting to swallow me should I dwell to long.

Why? All those who hated me were probably asking that question. It was one I sometimes asked myself. Why did I do that to her? Why did I say such spiteful things? She did anything and everything she could think of to prove that she loves me and always would. She deserved so much better but still chased after me. So why?

Because it was the only thing I could do.

I want her to be happy. I want her to have the best this world has to offer. I want her eyes to sparkle with happiness and joy all the time. I want to make sure she stays safe from all harm. I want to make sure nothing in this whole wide world can ever hurt her.

Although I acted as if I didn't share her feelings, acted like she was just a friend or that I thought she was annoying, it wasn't true. I did and still do love her.

But to ensure her happiness, to guarantee her safety, is something I don't think I can completely do.

That is why, to guarantee her happiness and safety for good, she had to learn to hate me.

It was never easy; saying things I didn't mean, doing things I knew hurt her. Every cruel thing I said echoed in my mind. It was like a never-ending chorus that went on everyday. And every time I did something to hurt her, I felt like something was stabbing me in the chest. When I would run away from her, I would always look back. Even though I already knew what I would see, I always would. And every time I saw the look on her face, saw her eyes glittering with tears waiting to spill, I would want to spin around and ran back to her. I would want to never to see her face filled with so much pain or see her eyes glittering with tears again. I would want to take back every thing I had said and did, to hold her close and stop her crying for good.

But I never did.

I always kept running.

I would run until I had collapsed from exhaustion in the middle of nowhere. Her face would still be flashing in my mind. I felt the urge the claw my eyes out many times, because then I would never have to see that look on her face again.

The pain it caused me to hurt her like that was unimaginable. The guilt I felt ate away at me every second of every day. It was as if some kind of creature had crawled inside me and clawed away at my insides every time I did or said something to her, when I would even think of her. A cancer or disease, something that would eventually destroy me if it went on for to long.

But I knew it would be nothing compared to what I would feel if something happened to her.

What I did for a living was dangerous and I had a lot of enemies because of it. She was kidnapped simple because she was involved with me as a friend, what would happen if they knew she meant more to me then that? The thoughts of what might happen to her haunted me. I told myself that the pain and guilt I felt now would be nothing, _nothing_, compared to what I would feel should she be hurt.

Or even worse, die.

And want if something happened to me? What if I let those feeling grow and something happened? What if I messed up? What if Eggman finally came up with the perfect plan? When I think of the suffering that would put Amy through, the pain and depression she would go through….

That's why I pushed her away.

That's why I ran.

That's why I said things I didn't mean.

That's why I said the things I knew hurt her.

That's why I wanted her hate me.

I wanted her to think I was the worse person on earth. I wanted her to hate me in a way that was almost unimaginable. Because if she did, if she hated me, she wouldn't be around me any more. Then all the people who wanted to hurt me wouldn't hurt her. All the danger I had to face would never reach her.

When I had first thought up this plan, I thought it would be simple. Turn Amy down, telling her I didn't feel the same way or whatever the excuse I gave her was. I thought she might come back a second or third time to try to convince me otherwise, but then I thought she would get over me. I thought that she would see that I didn't like her that way and would try to move one. Try to find someone who did feel that way for her. Someone who wouldn't put her in danger simple by being with her.

However, I failed to take into account Amy's stubbornness. When we were young, I made the mistake of telling her that her feelings weren't real. So that just made her go and try to prove that they were real. She claimed she would chase me to the ends of the earth if she had to.

And even when I told her I didn't like her that way, that I only thought of her as friend she would always say otherwise. "I can see it in your eyes," she would claim. "You do love me, Sonic!"

I hurt then to just say that to her. The guilt of lying to her had been smaller, but it had still been there.

I had changed my plan. I thought that after a year she would finally understand.

She didn't though.

In fact, she just seemed to grow more determined.

I realized that simple turning her down and telling her I didn't love her wasn't going to cut it. I realized that as long as she thought she loved me, she would never give up. She would always stay by my side whither I said I wanted her too or not.

That is when I realized I had to make her stop loving me. I had to make her think she didn't love me.

I had to make her think she hated me.

Otherwise, she would never be truly happy or safe.

The thought of Amy hating me wasn't something I pictured, nor was it something I wanted. I almost thought against it. I almost thought about giving it all up completely. I considered telling Amy everything and then protecting her like I do half the world.

But then the next day there was another attack. And Amy was once again kidnapped simple because she was my "friend".

Although the thought of Amy hating me and what I would have to do to make that happen was loathsome, if that's what it took for her to be happy and safe then it's what I had to do.

I remember growing afraid that running away and verbal pain wouldn't be enough. Her love always seemed to grow stronger every day. I remember worrying, "what if it's too strong?".

"What if she can't ever learn to hate me?"

"What if I can't drive her away fast enough and something happens to her?"

The older we got, the more afraid I grew. I started to worry something would happen to her even if I claimed we were only friends.

And the more afraid I got, the more pain I seemed to cause Amy.

Then I noticed a change in Amy's behavior. I started seeing her less and less. I had wondered if something might be wrong with her. I worried that she might be sick or something.

It was only a little voice in my head that wondered if my words and actions were finally starting to have an effect.

It was almost a whole month before we actually spoke to each other. I noticed right away that Amy was acting different. It was almost like she was trying to act happy around me.

I can't remember what I said exactly. It might have been the same old thing or it might have been something worse. But after whatever it was I said…

Amy snapped.

The last time I spoke with Amy, or rather the last time I hurt her, was almost two years to this date. That was last time I had to see her cry. The last time I had to hurt her with my words and actions.

But that last time I wasn't the one own ended it. I wasn't the one who said the painful words, and I wasn't the one who left the other standing there alone.

It was Amy. She was the one who said the hurtful things. She was the one who snapped in annoyance. She was the one who turned and left, who ran away to leave me standing alone.

She said she hated me.

She said I could drop died right now and she wouldn't care.

She called me things I could never repeat aloud.

She said things that, when I repeated in my mind, sounded a thousand times worse. They seemed to tear me up inside. Like they were ripping my heart to shreds.

As I watched her retreating back I thought, is this how Amy felt? Is this the same kind of pain that _I_ caused her? I knew what I did and said hurt her. I knew that every time I ran away from her she was hurt. I knew every time I said something mean, or told her to go away and bother someone else, it caused her pain. But…

But I never even imagined it could have hurt like this. I never considered exactly how much pain and suffering I put her through.

And now that I had a first hand experience, I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to find some other way to keep her away from me. Find some way that wouldn't hurt her so much.

Because she only did this to me once, and I did it to her god knows how many times. And if it hurt this much from just that one time, how much more did it hurt the second time? Or the third? Or the tenth? Or how ever many times it was that I hurt her? How much pain did I cause her exactly before she finally snapped, before she finally had enough of me, before she finally hated me?

But of course, one can't change the past. No matter how hard they wish they could.

Even now that guilt assaults me. Every time I picture her crying, hurt face that guilt eats away at me. But at the same time I know it's over. I know I well never have to see or cause her tears again. I'll never have to run away from her, or say things I don't really mean.

Because now, I don't have that effect on her. I'm no longer the one she goes running after, or the one she tackles with her hugs. I'm no longer the one she would chase to the ends of the earth. I'm no longer the one she loves.

My left ear twitched. Turning my head I saw the doors had opened. People were starting to come out of the large church. Their voices carried all the way over to me, but they were so jumbled up I couldn't make sense of them. I managed to see a flash of dark yellow through the crowd. Probably Tails darting around with his camera. At seventeen, he was quite the handsome young man. But last I heard he still hadn't found himself a girlfriend. He was always locked up in his shop.

It was Tails that I heard it from. He had been a good sport and keep me up to date on anything that was happening with Amy, seeing as I could only watch her from afar and not ask her myself.

Almost a year after out final confrontation, Tails told me Amy was seeing someone.

His name was Yuki. He worked at her job and they had apparently met some few years before hand. It seems that he had had a bit of a crush on Amy, but she had always been too busy chasing after me to realize it. After we "parted ways" as you could say, they started to spend a lot of time together.

It wasn't long until they were officially going out as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Amy started spending less and less time with all of us. Eggman and any others began to target her less and less as well.

She started to spend more time with Yuki and his friends and family. She made new friends outside our little "freedom fighting" group. I hear she still sees Cream a lot and calls Tails from time to time. But she has a new life now and doesn't have as much time for the old things as she use to.

People began to applaud and cheer. I saw two figures standing in the open doors. A dark silver hedgehog with purple eyes stood smiling nervously. He was dressed in a black tuxedo. Beside him was the now twenty-one year old Amy Rose, beaming joyfully in her pure white dress.

I couldn't remember a time when I saw her look so happy.

I'm glad that she's happy now. I'm glad that she's safe with him. He is a normal person. He doesn't have an evil genius as an enemy. He doesn't have to save the world every other day and make enemies almost twice as much.

I check on her from time to time, just to make sure she's as happy as she seems. Just to make sure it isn't just an act of some kind. But she's as happy at home as she is anywhere else.

Their running down the steps now, laughing under the falling streamers and seeds as they run towards the car. They run right under the tree I'm sitting in. This is the closest I've gotten to Amy in a long time. I turn my head and watch as they get in the car, waving back at their friends and family.

I let a small smile cross my face as the car drives away. I lean back against the tree, staring up at the sky.

I'm glad Amy's happy and that she's safe. It's what I've truly wanted for all these years. I don't think she could be any happier.

But no matter how happy she is, I don't think this guilt or pain well ever really leave. I put Amy through a lot of pain. I caused her a lot of suffering. Even if it was to protect her, the means don't justify the end. Not enough to matter at least.

If I could go back in time, if I was given a chance to find some other way but found that there wasn't one, would I do it all again?

The guilt seems to grow as I think the answer yes.

Maybe as I watch her grow more happy the guilt well loosen up. But I don't think it could ever go away. Not completely. And I don't think I want it too. When you hurt someone, you should be punished. The burning guilt and pain I feel is my punishment.

I close my eyes, thinking that now I may take that nap.

I may be a little jealousy of Yuki. After all, he has the girl I love. But really I respect him. Because he did what I didn't and can do what I can't.

He says he loves her. He doesn't push her away, he holds her close. He stays with her without even being asked. He doesn't run away from her, he runs to her.

He makes her happy and keeps her safe.

That's what I've wanted for her, to be happy and safe. She couldn't get that while loving me. That's why she had to hate me.

It's fine.

It's okay.

The pain I felt lying and hurting her and the guilt that now assaults me every day for doing it is fine. I can live with it. It's the punishment I deserve and I can accept that.

As long as she's happy and safe, that's all that matters.

* * *

A/N I don't know… When I reread it, it seems like something is missing. But I can't think of what it could be. 

I thought up this story last October when I heard this song on the radio. It's called "Hate Me" by Blue October. For some reason, everytime I heard that song it made me think of Sonic and Amy. And every time someone said Amy didn't deserve Sonic or that he was just a jerk or what ever it is people say (I can't remember what it is they all said) I always that of this story.

Anyway. I hope you liked it and I hope you well review and tell me what you thought. Maybe you noticed what it is the story is missing. Even if you didn't like it, please review and tell me exactly what it was you didn't like. If it's grammar mistakes just point them out and I'll fix them as soon as I can! I swear on my life!

And yes, Fruits Basket fans, you are correct. The Yuki the Hedgehog Amy married is based appearance wise off the Yuki Sohma from the anime/manga. I needed some kind of appearance and I wasn't about to spend half an hour thinking up an origanl character for a oneshot. So I decided to base him off one of the Furube characters and Yuki was the first to came to mind.


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